So far NaNoWriMo has been a bust for me, the first week I was constantly getting up at 6:00AM to go to the Coffee Shoppe in town and order a nice Medium Roast coffee and pull out my tablet for a little one on one writing time (first days I well exceeded my necessary word count). Intensely listening to the soundtrack for Destiny (music with words is distracting) and pumping out those words for my novel, Tiez; Killer of Kings and suddenly I thought of a Destiny Fan-Fiction like story that I have both abandoned.

I don’t quite get why it’s been so hard. I’m so disappointed in myself my motivation for this feat has gone right out the window. I thought maybe I didn’t map it all out right but for my novel I had each chapter split up and character sketches created in advance. However, it has proved useless to me and my goals. Fables of Destiny I wrote two chapters and found myself absorbed too much in the gameplay to realize I am making real life characters that I haven’t completely mapped out yet.

Then I missed a day.

Got back on track but couldn’t meet the word count goal for the day. Then I missed another day… and one more… now I’ve missed about five in total and am totally defeated and not sure what to do?

My novel doesn’t bring me any joy, Fables of Destiny isn’t fleshed out enough to consider (I am still learning about their lore). I am at a lost at what to do now.

I feel like a fraud in the world of writing for it’s a craft I thought I was good at and felt I enjoyed and now I am no longer sure how to feel about it. I’m hoping maybe I will get some huge inspiration or motivation soon because I already foresee failure in NaNoWriMo. It wasn’t an easy task to begin with but I skipped it last year because I didn’t feel I was ready, I prepped for it and planned for it this year, so I could give it a shot. I was so excited and ready.

Now I am lost.

With no foreseeable direction to go.

It wasn’t about writing a novel or achieving some kind of huge success it was to inspire a habit turn something into a desire each morning. Only then could I upgrade my craft. Fabricate a habit, and flesh out the “bad writing” inside me.

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